The Anomaly (Frequency 216) is the kind of past album that an artist wouldn’t want you to find. However, I think there is a bunch of cool stuff here. This was my first attempt at making a real album. I did play the instruments with my feet but there are tons of overdubs. The bulk of this was made during the summer of 2014. I would record the individual parts in my apartment, sometimes calling in sick to work just to stay home & work. Then, I would send them off to a childhood friend in New York, Jeromy D’Amico, for mixing.

If you are familiar with a few of my later efforts, you will recognize a tune or two here. I think it’s cool to see how songs progress. Different versions that were scrapped for one reason or another. The Anomaly is chock full of them. There are even outtakes not on the “official” release that I have included at the bottom.

At this time, I was only about a year into using the artist name I Am Hologram. I didn’t know what I wanted to sound like or what direction I wanted to head in. The whole reason I started to perform with my toes had nothing to do with music.

On November 30th, 2011, I suffered a massive neurological event that had characteristics of both seizures & strokes. I had a kind of short term amnesia. My motor skills were affected pretty bad. In order to retrain my mind & body, I started playing to a “click” just to get my guitar chops back up to speed. Since “clicks” aren’t the most interesting things to play with, I would set my drum machine up & jam along to the beats. Very quickly, I wanted to see if my toes could press the buttons so I didn’t have to interrupt my guitar playing or singing. Almost immediately I added a cheap Casio keyboard to the mix. Using my left foot to perform the bass notes. I Am Hologram was about to be born.

Practicing like this every day, my brain began to rewire itself. My motor skills improved. Reaction times increased. Music was literally healing me. Bringing me back from very far away. Naturally, you create things. This is why my early music is more “jammy” than my more recent. I include this record & my early works so you can hear the journey I’ve been on for 10 years & counting.

-R.W.Tudor

Album credits:

released August 7, 2014

All songs written and recorded by Richard Nihil

Mixed by Jeromy D'Amico

Tracks 2,3,5,7,8, & 9 Mastered by Jeromy D'Amico and Paul Lamo

Tracks 1,4, & 6 Mastered by Richard Nihil

I know you’re watching me with your wet dream eyes
I feel you near me even when you are not
And then I catch you trying to invade my soul
Like the piper at the gates of dawn
This moment waits for no one
No one
No one

I know you can feel me close the door

I pray into a pillow that never listens
I pull the knife from underneath my shadow
And if I catch you trying to spoil our fun
Then our secret won’t be secret long
And if I’m the one who frees you
Why can’t I free me?

In the church of the morning I pass the hours away
I was lost in the moment & smiling diamond-sized
I keep so many secrets
Too many to defend
But I've seen the end & it's alright my friend

The music was over & we danced hand in hand
In that awkward moment
It will never be this good again

It was a series of unfortunate events
That led me to be this martyr I've become
So take your own advice and run

I could stand on your shoulders
With my stethoscope to the sky
But I was under the table cuz I'd rather run from you & hide

I fought off the lions with my own two hands
And I presented the devil with a list of my demands

I know how to fear and loathe
The one you think you're in love with
You could never own my soul
You want much more than I could give
I can't even hear your name
Without a feeling of nausea
You could never be the one I want much more than you could give

Everything you say I will hold against you I'll survive you too
Everything you do I will fight against you I'll survive you too

I know how to fear and loathe
I see you wear a thousand weight
You were the one who made this bed
That you and I and he slept on

I know what it's like to lose It's all I ever known
And you could never be the one I know you've heard this all before

I feel so fake yet so unreal when I'm with you

I can read the writings on the wall
I can tell all hell's about to fall
Tell me what am I supposed to believe?
When you found a cheap replacement for me

Cuz I thought we were something special
But I guess I was wrong I thought we were something special
And now I've had enough
Have you had enough?
To be free is not enough
To be loved is not enough
Have you had enough?

I can take a joke but there's a limit
You've pushed me to that point of no return
I can feel you from miles and miles away
Miles and miles away is where you better stay

Tell me what am I supposed to believe?
When you found a cheap replacement for me
There is no replacing me

I'm quietly laughing to myself And you'll never know
What is going through my mind right now You'll never know
If I found a way to wash you off my skin

And I will never tell you who you really are
No, this time I think I'll keep it to myself
And I will never tell them who you really are
This time I think I'll let you hang yourself

I hope you can feel this right now
Wherever you think you are now
Please forgive my goodbye
I never meant to lose my mind
But you saved the worst part for last

I hope this time you realize you're wrong
I hope this time you realize I'm gone

Don't stop breathing my love

I held you and kissed you and sighed
And I waited to see if your eyes would move

The queen of my eyes hides her eyes
Sighs away in solitude
Qualmish waves define desire
I pine away in solitude

Just because the sun is gone
There’s no need for alarm
Just because the sun is gone

You’re quantum & ethereal
I can’t escape the thought of you
You’re the sun & cellar door
Trying to save me
From drowning in you

I reside in a house of dreams
Calmly lost behind the scenes
Mirror, mirror which way to run?
I've been hiding forever

Here I lie beneath the waves
Breathing in brand new ways

I've been hiding forever
With no guide to follow
There's no need for sorrow
It will be better tomorrow

Now you see me and now you don't
Soon, you'll know I won't

Was I on time to my own funeral?
Breathe in me I want to feel like a ghost

Then days away I feel in tune with everyone
And as the light goes out it's time to dig another one

Am I divine?
I am naked and not alone
Return to me I can't do this on my own

And there's no telling what will happen now it's undecided
And there's no telling who will lead us now they're all in hiding
And there's no telling what will happen to me now

Outtakes

The official version of this song appears on Inclined To Shadows. Originally, this was the first track on The Anomaly. One of the first songs I released was this version. This is one of those times where I didn’t hate this version or anything, it just didn’t fit the vibe of the album. At least, I thought at the time.

Slammed Shut was never intended to be on The Anomaly. It is an instrumental performed on the piano by Jeromy. It is sort of a response to Closed-Door Policy. He knew what the song actually meant, & for me, I was slamming a few doors shut metaphorically speaking. I think it is beautiful, hope you enjoy it.

I consider this a failed attempt. Not my brightest shining moment. Not the song’s fault. It eventually ended up being performed acoustically on Idiot Savant a few years later.