About six months ago, I started writing myself a lullaby, something meant to help heal the trauma I carry deep inside me. Sometimes we hide things in the darkest corners of ourselves and fool ourselves into believing we are under attack from the outside, long after the incidents that traumatized us have faded into the obscure files of the hard drive contained within our skull. Yes, that demon has always been standing behind me. Yes, I had to stand up for myself and lost everything I had. And I would do it again, just to punch evil in the face one more time.

Musically, “Has That Demon Always Been Standing Behind You?” lives somewhere between acoustic, country, indie folk, and singer-songwriter music, with touches of Americana and something stranger moving underneath it. It is somber, intimate, and reflective, built around acoustic guitar, low-mid vocal delivery, and a subtle wave-like texture in the background. It may sound mellow on the surface, but the emotional weight underneath it is heavier than that. This is not a loud song, but it is not a light one either. It was home recorded and later finished on my laptop using AI audio tools as part of the mixing and mastering process.

I am releasing all new music through my website first. I want the people who come here to be the first to hear it, without having to sign up for anything or subscribe to anything. The song is free to download. If you want to support me directly and help keep the music, videos, tours, and art coming, the suggested donation is $1. You can always give more if you want to.

Venmo: @iamhologram (9674)
Zelle: richardnihil@gmail.com

Lyrics:

Has that demon always been standing behind you?
Cuz you’ve been chewing on bullets
With that gun in your lap
Did it touch you with it’s black cancer hands
I saved every key to every lock
For every door I’ve ever opened

Eden is a quiet beach
So scream when the tide gets too high
Where the trees grow bigger
Than I’m brave enough to climb
Oh, we’re more than not friends
Cuz you’re only sane when you get paid
But we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

Oh, I’m just looking for a good place to hide
Somewhere I can live out the best days of my life
I’m looking for a good place to hide
Somewhere I can live the rest of my life

I started off broke
Working at a billion dollar corporation
Where it’s ok to be illegal
Around those who are impressed with themselves
Oh, she’s gone mad
But always knew where the good drugs were
On one last permanent midnight
I’ve had enough of the sun today

Oh, I’m just looking for a good place to hide
Somewhere I can live out the best days of my life
I’m looking for a good place to hide
Somewhere I can live the rest of my life
Somewhere I can live the rest of my life
Somewhere I can live the rest of my life